“Let Me Check You for Ticks” — And Other Lies Country Music Told Me

When we landed here, the kids were old enough to be curious, young enough to still need us for everything. We didn’t grow up on farms. We traded a mostly quiet cul-de-sac for all this land and had to learn how to do everything from scratch.

And so, we asked a lot of questions—some practical, some panicked, and plenty that we now call dumb city girl questions and laugh about. Because when you move from a cul-de-sac to 141 acres, there’s no manual. Just a lot of trial, error, and Google searches for things like:

• How do you know if a cow is in labor… or just laying funny?
• Do snakes hibernate in hay bales?
• Is it safe to Google ‘piglet poop color’ at the dinner table?
• Where exactly do ticks like to hide?

(Spoiler: The answer to that last one is EVERYWHERE.)

We’ve learned a lot since moving here. We’ve lost animals and built fences twice because we (I, me, it was me) did it wrong the first time. But through it all, we’ve found our rhythm. We’ve found our people. And yes, we’ve found our fair share of ticks.

Which brings me to a Mr. Brad Paisley.

When he sings “I’d like to check you for ticks,” I don’t think he means after chasing a runaway cow through three acres of thorn-covered brush. In my time on the ranch, I’ve come to understand that country songs make life in the country sound dreamy … romantic, even. But, with all due respect Mr. Brad Paisley: checking someone for ticks is not sexy. It’s trauma.

It’s a full-body scan with a flashlight and tweezers.
It’s holding down a sweaty child while yelling, “I think it’s still moving!”
It’s rinsing the dog in the tub at 9 p.m. and praying you don’t find one behind your ear next.

This version of country life? It’s one I didn’t even know existed. But, it’s real and it’s beautiful. Ticks and all.